I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize