but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
