I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
