I forgot how hot balto sounded
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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