margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
