Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
