Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
