Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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