After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
