used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
