normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
