Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
