His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
