remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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