Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize