that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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