dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize