I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Randomize
