Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
