@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Still dying that you shit outside
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
