Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
