I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
