John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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