You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
