Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
