THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
