I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
