In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
