Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize