YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
