Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
