my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
