and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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