Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
