So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize