Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
