He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
