dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
