I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
