Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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