the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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