): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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