I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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