Got a toothbrush?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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