I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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