I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
