i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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