Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I checked into jail on foursquare
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
