every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
