My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
