I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
