I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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