I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
