We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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