Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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