I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
