That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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