He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
