Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
