In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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