Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
