he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sorry about my life...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
