I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
