my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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