cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
