just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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