My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
