what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
