How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
