please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
