Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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