I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
