There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
