my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
