i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
