I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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