If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
