I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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